Unheard Voice Notes & Starlight

Ziad (3:37 AM):

"I mean, I wonder why, Rawan? Just imagine, I didn't reply to you for such a tiny bit of time! Now imagine when you pull this crap for weeks 🙂 Because honestly, this is just too much! If I shouldn't expect a reply, then fine, I might as well go talk to a wall, you know what I mean?!"

"Do you realize that for the past week or so, you only hit me up when you needed something? And anything I literally said was just tossed in the trash like it was nothing, completely ignored! Like, no voice notes, not even regular texts. And despite that, I kept replying normally, holding out hope, but nope—absolutely nothing!"

"So why should I put in all this effort, tell you about my day, do all this, reply while I’m working, and help you out with your own stuff outside of work? And honestly, I *want* to do that! I’m not gonna lie and say I don't want to do things for you. On the contrary, I do! But when I see that you don't even give back a quarter of the energy I'm putting in, then seriously, what's the point? Excuse me, but a guy has his pride, too!"

"And it’s not just the last voice notes that you ignored! Do you realize you’ve pulled this move on me more than 3 times already?! I'd send you a bunch of voice notes telling you stuff, asking you things, just talking, and you don't reply at all! Not even later! But I’d just brush it off and say whatever, it’s not a big deal. The funny part is that you’d hit me up a while later asking me about something I had *already* told you about in the voice notes you never listened to!"

"You know, if you were actually busy? I wouldn't say a damn word! But unfortunately, you're not, and the crazy part is you text me but you don't actually *reply* to my stuff 😅 Honestly, it's just my nature to want to reply to you instantly and tell you everything, but I'm literally forcing myself not to do that these days. Go figure. 🙂"

Ziad (3:39 AM):

"What’s also funny is that I literally explained why I was MIA in the voice notes I sent up there, but you never listened to them 😅 Literally before the week even started, I told you everything and explained exactly why I’d be off the grid!"

"Obviously, that doesn’t mean I can’t text you back a bit while I’m working right now, but then again! Why should I do that and put in all this energy when it’s not reciprocated? I might as well just save my peace of mind and chill out. I don't have to reply right away, even though, sadly, that's just not who I am."

Ziad (11:14 PM):

"Sorry, I can'record voice notes at all right now, so I had to type this out. Forgive me, 'cause you're gonna have to read quite a bit 🥹"

"I swear to God, Rawan, you’re acting like an idiot and seriously need some sense smacked into you... I'm sorry for calling you an idiot, but you really are being one 🔪"

"The day I came to tell you the results were out, my intention from the very start was to get the results *for* you. I know you told me you never know how to get them every year and end up having to go in person, so I was already planning to get them for you without you even having to ask, and without even waiting for you to tell me. So seriously, drop this nonsense you’re talking about, because we don't have that kind of dynamic, and our friendship isn't based on using each other. I swear, you're such an idiot!"

"And as for the English thing, stop being ridiculous again, Rawan, because I’m going to keep helping you with it normally. Like I said, I *want* to do all this for you and help you however I can. Honestly, I feel like if two friends can't—or won't—ask each other for help, then they aren't even real friends, they aren't close, they aren't shit. But you literally—I don't know—misunderstood everything, because I'm talking about one thing and you're talking about something completely different, I swear! Girl, I would *never* throw something I did for you in your face or any of that nonsense! Because that’s what it felt like you were implying in your messages! You really have no idea what I’m planning and want to do just to make you happy, because I genuinely feel for you and know what you're going through. (So don't ever say that nonsense again, otherwise I’ll smack some sense into you. I swear I’ll actually get mad at you! If you need anything, anytime, any day, just come to me and I'd do it in a heartbeat 💖). I'm sorry if my choice of words wasn't the best yesterday, but I was insanely stressed out with work, I swear. So maybe my words didn't come out right, please forgive me for that."

"Look, I was only talking about one specific thing! And it’s not about you leaving me hanging—no! I already know about that, and like you said, you warned me about it and how you lose people over it, so I honestly don't get mad at that part anymore!"

"But what you’re doing right now is completely different from just leaving me on delivered. I don't even know what to call it, honestly! I’m not saying 'let's talk every day!' And I’m not saying 'reply to me and let's chat 24/7.' All I'm asking is that you actually *reply* to what I say, nothing more. Because you don't reply, and you don't even listen—that’s the whole point! You know, if you were to reply a week or two later, I wouldn't say a word. I swear, I gave you plenty of time to reply because I know how you are with leaving messages pending. But even then, you don't end up replying to my stuff in the end! That's the exact point I'm talking about: after taking all your time, you come back and text me about things that have absolutely nothing to do with what I originally sent! And it just so happened that this past week, the things you texted me about were you needing favors. It was literally just a coincidence, I swear. That’s all I was trying to say, nothing more. I wasn't throwing it in your face or anything, I would seriously never do that. Let me give you an example to make it clearer!"

"Let’s take the last voice notes as an example, Rawan, and we won't even talk about anything before that, because you’ve pulled this move A LOT 🔪🔪🔪 I told you about some things, right? Including my work, the insane pressure I was going to be under this week and next week. I also talked about when we'd start English together, I was asking for your opinion on a few things I wanted to do, and I asked you a specific question I needed an answer to. And then I just left you to reply at your own pace. But the next day, the results came out. I texted you, and you replied saying you guys were heading home. So, I automatically knew you'd take a while to listen to them and reply, and I was completely understanding of all that. Then we got the results and made sure everything was fine, thank God. After that, my mom completely ruined my mood right before my days off, and during my days off, and the whole issue is still going on right now, by the way (which is sadly one of the reasons I'm typing and not recording voice notes right now). Then you replied and asked me what happened, and you said something else very important: you literally said, 'I swear I'll reply to the voice notes, I will' 😂 This isn't the first time you swear you'll reply to something and then end up not replying at all, and that’s one of the reasons I get annoyed!"

"Anyway, I know I still haven't told you about it, but I will when the time is right. Because first of all, it's a really heavy topic for me, so it needs a long voice note and a lot of energy, and I need to be away from the stress of work and my mom at the same time. Anyway, the next day she kept going at it, and honestly, I just couldn't take it and I was honestly... so upset. That's when I texted you saying I'd tell you about it in a bit, just waiting for her to stop all this crap she's doing—if she ever stops, that is. Because I’m seriously exhausted, it's just pure shit. I go to sleep dealing with crap, I wake up to crap, and I'm gonna spend the rest of the week in crap. Honestly, I really needed to talk to someone, just to hear a few words to help me get through the day. You didn't reply. And honestly, I understand that now, which is why I'm telling you I'm seriously completely fine with the fact that you leave people pending. I just assumed you'd reply whenever you opened the chat and had the energy."

"The kick is that you came back two days later as if you hadn't read a single thing I sent, and jumped straight into talking about how you failed a second-year subject and how you have a cold. Honestly, I was a bit surprised, but I was like, 'whatever.' I told you 'get well soon' and everything, checked the subject for you and all. Then you saw it, and STILL didn't reply to *anything* I had originally sent—not the voice notes, not even the regular texts. You just moved right past it. Then you came back 3 days later asking me about what's going on in the group and the grades that changed, *again* without replying to any of my stuff at all. And honestly, that’s when I completely shut down. You'll notice all my replies became just a couple of words, end of sentence. And THAT is the point I'm trying to make! That isn't leaving someone on delivered, Rawan! Leaving someone on delivered means you don't reply at all, but you *are* replying! Except, sadly, you're not replying to a single thing that was actually said! You just completely ignore it and jump into other topics (this time it was just a coincidence that you needed stuff, but the previous times you’d jump into normal random topics and my old messages would just be forgotten forever, you never go back to them). And honestly, I used to just let it slide!"

"It's just that these days are a bit rough. I mean, excuse the language I'm about to use right now—apologies in advance, I just need to use it to get the point across and emphasize it 🙂—but these days specifically, life is literally trying with all its might to rape me! You really can't imagine the pressure I'm under. The amount of work is insane. This week that just ended, I had to work 14 hours every single day, literally from the moment I woke up until I went to sleep! And not just that—my two days off, which are supposed to be today and tomorrow, I won't even be able to take them because of the workload! I have to work them too, with the exact same amount of hours! And unfortunately, next week is going to be the exact same thing. So I'm not sleeping, my energy is literally collapsing, and add to all of that the whole situation with my mom... I literally can't take it anymore, Rawan! So I genuinely felt like even the *one* person I could go cry to, vent to, and talk to doesn't even care. I know you care, I swear, I know all that, but do you get me? Because of how much you just skip over the things I say, don't reply to them, and jump into completely different conversations (and that's NOT called leaving someone on delivered!!! That's something else, I don't even know what to call it), I really start to feel... I don't know what I feel, but I just hope you understand me!"

"So with all this pressure, I might have exploded a little bit yesterday with what I said, but it was out of my control, I'm sorry! I'm not scolding you or blaming you, but we are two mature adults who need to communicate to figure things out! Forget about how complicated people are and all that stuff, honestly, us talking it out is the best thing that could happen! I truly don't want to lose you! I know we haven't known each other for years and stuff, but I swear you have no idea how much I cherish you and how precious you are to me. I have absolutely no problem waiting a long time for you to reply and until you have the energy, but I just need you to *actually* reply in the end, nothing more, that's all I'm asking! And I'm also asking that you stop swearing you're going to do something and then not do it 🔪🔪 I honestly wouldn't say a thing if you just told me 'I'm not going to reply right now, but I'll reply later,' and then later I actually find you replying 🥹"

"And seriously, get well soon again, I hope you recover and feel better 💖"

Ziad (9:39 PM):

"I'm not gonna say I used to do exactly what you do, but unfortunately I was just like you (and I still am, I swear 😂). Look, generally, I just don't have the energy to talk to people. I have a friend who texted me almost a month ago and I still haven't replied to him! There's a girl who's been texting me for—and I'm not even kidding—over 5 months now, multiple times, and I still haven't replied to her... Man, even my friend Omar 😂😂 I reply to him days after he texts me! So the habit is definitely still in me, but I had to change it a bit because I realized I was starting to lose people I didn't want to lose."

"I'm not gonna lie and say it's easy and all that. Sadly, no, you have to push yourself sometimes, but with time, I swear it gets a little easier! Now, I at least pick one or two people max that I *reallyyyy* want to talk to, and they're the only ones I focus my energy on. As for the rest, I reply at my own pace—whenever I reply, it doesn't even matter. So I want you to start working on yourself, not just for my sake, I swear, but for your own sake too."